About

For the first 6 years of our journey, this About page was an accurate reflection of our healing journey. But happily I can announce that our healing journey is paying off. Please follow this link if you’d like to see how:https://samruck2.wordpress.com/2015/02/14/our-changing-journey/

My wife is my one and only: I married her a little more than 26 years ago as a virgin and have never been with anyone else. Three months into our marriage her traumatic childhood came crashing in on us. But it would be 20 years before we would understand that she had dissociative identity disorder: a way in which some children’s minds cope with severe trauma by “hiding” the abuse from the main personality while creating other personalities to “hold” said trauma. I have spent most of our 26-year marriage trying to heal her broken heart. Once we finally got a diagnosis about the d.i.d., I stepped up those efforts. I no longer felt like I was “shooting in the dark.”

This blog derives from my 24/7 involvement with my first girl Karen and all the inside girls who have since joined us. I spend the majority of each day at home with Amy, Alleylieu, KA, Shelly, Tina and Sophia. I have a job that allows me to read the girls a story during my breaks (we’ve read at least 50-100 children’s books together these last three plus years). Sometimes those breaks get stretched out as all the girls want their “fair turn” to talk with me. When I get home after my second-shift job, I am greeted by the little girls, and we spend another hour or two interacting together before I read them their bedtime stories and go to sleep. Weekends are filled doing special things or just living life with the girls to help them build a bank of positive life experiences that help in the healing process.

My wife and I are approaching this healing journey from a different perspective. We have focused the majority of our healing efforts on the insiders. I always treat them as if they are normal, typical, outside children who happen to have been traumatized. I never think of them as “parts” or “alters” in a system: I consider them “my girls” like I do “my wife” and “my son.” I interact with the inside girls about 85-90% of the time and Karen the other 10-15%. Because of this I have a personal relationship with all of the little girls. Five of them have largely moved to the outside now with me and Karen, and little Sophia has begun to do the same.

As a result of my continuous interaction with the insiders, I believe that healing is found in the outside world. As I gently and lovingly draw them out to be part of my family and interact with me and my 23-year old son, the need for their inside world becomes less. We provide them with the love, safety and sense of belonging they never had. I also do my best to fulfill the felt needs of the various girls in my wife’s network. It’s an approach that seems to have worked thus far as 6 of the 7 girls are highly co-conscious (and beginning to co-front) after 5 years of interaction with me with very little depression, suicide or self-injury issues.

What follows in this blog are the lessons I have learned on the healing journey my wife and I are traveling together. I am writing this for other spouses, friends, significant others and family members who want to help their loved one through DID, too. I don’t believe that there is only one path to real healing, but this is the one my wife and I are taking. Maybe you will find something of value for your own journey.

Welcome!

Sam, I Am

Contact me privately at samruck2 at gmail dot com.

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