Swooning the Body

My girls and I have been on a healing journey from their dissociative identity disorder for the last 7 years. And the last 2 girls have brought about a phenomenon that is in one respect laughable but in another aspect terrifying. I call it swooning in my journal.

 Tina and our newest girl whom I will call Jenny on this blog were completely dissociated from all the other girls. Unlike the others who had limited contact with some of the girls in the network before they joined us on the outside, these two had ZERO contact with everyone else. But that makes for a problem when either of them started coming outside on a regular basis. The problem is this: if either girl was on the outside and then decided to switch and go back inside, neither of them could ‘hand the baton’ (give executive control in d.i.d. geek speak) to someone else. So pretty much if either of them was out and then went back in, the body swooned or collapsed until I could pull someone else back outside to take over.

 Like I said, in one respect, it’s almost comical. For the first year that Tina came out she would swoon the body anytime she went back inside. She would close her eyes (or they would roll back) and then the body would begin to sway. That was my signal to race over and wrap her up in a bear hug if she was standing up. I was afraid she would keel over like in the movies where the character makes no attempt to catch him/herself. But what is comical in the movies is a little unnerving in real life. The thought of either girl crashing the body into a nearby object or hitting the floor full force kept me on my toes for that first year with Tina. At this point Tina seamlessly switches with the other girls. But Jenny’s entrance into our family has brought this phenomenon back into our lives.

 Anyway, there’s really not a lot to say. Once I get Jenny attached to myself and then she begins to connect to the others, the swooning will eventually go away because she will be able to hand executive control to someone else whenever she switches with the others. But until then, I’ll have to stay on guard to keep my wife’s body safe from harm.

 Take care,




5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. flowerofthewoods
    Apr 28, 2015 @ 18:55:14

    My husband told me that I’ll periodically freeze up, like someone had flipped an off switch on me, then resume a few seconds later like there had been no break.

    I don’t think I’ve ever done the “swooning” thing though, since my personalities generally can’t vacate whenever we want. I’m trying to imagine it from an internal perspective, and it’s kind of hard for me to understand.


    • Sam Ruck
      Apr 28, 2015 @ 19:33:23

      Hi Flower,

      I’m not sure how else to describe it… From the literature that I read, I think many people experience d.i.d. on a subconscious level as the insiders aren’t often encouraged to come out like we do with my wife (maybe I’m totally off based here. I’m not sure, just guessing). At that level I’ve never seen the swooning occur. But when the girls decide to come out fully, at the conscious level, and begin to connect with the others in the group, that’s when this seems to happen. I’m not sure how ‘switching’ works. Do you make a conscious choice to switch with the others to whom you have a connection? If so, that may be the difference. Tina wasn’t and Jenny isn’t connected to any of the others when they first began to move consciously to the outside. So when they first came out, they had no one to hand control back to if they decided to go back in. Now if one of the other girls ‘knocked’ them back in, that would be different, I think.

      I don’t know. I’m just an observer. But last night right after I posted this entry we had our first ‘tragedy.’ The girls were taking a bath and reading their tablet as they always do. We are guessing that Jenny came out because when Amy got control again, she had a wet tablet in her hands. It was NOT a happy moment. So I played mediator all last night and this morning, reminding them that this is no fault of Jenny’s. It’s just how the d.i.d. works until she can talk to them. And I had to buy them a new tablet…sigh.. At least so far this is the only tragedy like that we’ve had.



      • flowerofthewoods
        Apr 28, 2015 @ 21:00:05

        We can’t consciously switch at all, nor can my husband call anyone out (that would be too easy). This also means that any given girl can’t decide that she’s had enough of the outside and go back in — she’s stuck until someone else takes over. (Sorry, language gets weird when talking about multiple personalities, so I hope that nothing gets lost in translation). It sounds like your girls have more control when it comes to going back in.

        Oh no! Maybe no more electronics in the bath while Jenny gets herself established?

      • Sam Ruck
        Apr 28, 2015 @ 21:26:48

        Yes, at this point, the 7 have complete control over who fronts, if they want, and our son and I also can call out any girl that we want, if need be, though I never do so in a dictatorial way and if any resist my attempts to call out someone else, unless it’s important, I will acquiesce to their refusal or at least try to cajole her to let me speak to someone else.

        Yes, we have talked about what to do. It’s going to cost us $300 to replace it. I’m honestly shocked it hasn’t happened before. So we may move back to ‘real’ books for now, and I’m also attempting to talk to Jenny about laying down anything in her hands before she goes back inside…but she’s not connected to me like the others, so communicating with her is still iffy and I don’t think she really understands how the outside world works, yet, either.

  2. Trackback: An Update on Jenny | Loving My DID Girl(s)

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