Time Travel and DID

I keep finding the following sentiment expressed throughout the DID literature as if it is unquestionably true: “There is no compensating in the present for a lack of love or care during childhood…” (rcinstitute?)  And yet because I have focused my love and care upon the inside girls, I think I will end up proving this maxim wrong. DID allows “time travel” back into the developmentally-frozen areas of a person’s mind, or more accurately, it freezes time in a person’s mind until someone thaw’s the insiders as I have. Most counselors seem to have a “host-centered” therapy methodology. So the host tries to superimpose new ways of thinking over old trauma experiences. But because I’m focusing on the insiders, those areas of the mind that actually experienced the trauma (unlike the host who is simply an alter typically without any trauma experience), those little girls who experienced the trauma are now experiencing the love, safety and acceptance in the SAME MANNER that they should have during their original childhood. As a result I’m pretty confident that I’m going to fully overwrite the trauma-written patterns with healthy, love-written patterns. I think experience will prove a much more powerful teacher at a more deeply fundamental level than will simply talking about new, positive ways of thinking. (pp. 1418-1419, 3/25/11 of my journal)

Sam…

dissociative identity disorder, dissociation

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8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. chi
    Mar 25, 2011 @ 23:02:38

    Thanks for sharing.
    we also disagree with that maxim. we think nobody can ever un-do what’s been done to us, but that doesn’t mean we can’t recreate childhood things and try to change the way we all think and feel about the past. our mother had a “don’t air out your dirty laundry for the world to see” kind of attitude, so everything was kept secret and never discussed. this was really harmful for us. but now even our littles are learning that it’s safe to talk about things. you don’t have to keep anything secret. and *we* don’t have to feel ashamed of what other people did to us.
    i completely agree with your approach and your reasonings. our hubby loves and cares for all of us, and he tries to nurture our child-parts to help them grow and teach them safe and healthy ways to think and feel 🙂

    Reply

  2. Leslie
    Mar 28, 2011 @ 04:01:41

    Sam, awesome post. I love the “time travel” analogy. I think you might be on to something here…I hope so!

    Reply

    • Sam Ruck
      Mar 28, 2011 @ 20:05:42

      Hi Leslie,

      in spite of the original trauma, I truly wonder if DID has a wonderful “silver lining” in that it provides the person a second chance to have a healthy and happy childhood…IF they approach it the way we have. I could be proven wrong, but I really think when we (my wife and I) are done with this journey I will have a “normal” and emotionally healthy wife.

      Sam

      Reply

  3. davidrochester
    Apr 06, 2011 @ 02:00:10

    I think the reason it seems to you that therapists have a host-centered methodology is that in the majority of cases, DID clients do not have a supportive spouse or indeed anyone in their lives they can trust. For that reason, the presenting “host” persona is the nearest access the therapist has to an adult who can be taught to care and create a framework for insiders.

    Most DID therapy centers on hearing the experiences of insiders, and tending to their needs. This is usually done through the host for a variety of reasons, but the point is rarely to superimpose anything on the alters. The point is usually to align them with real time and current reality, which involves them sharing what has happened to them, and also involves their being encouraged to participate in life in current time. Most therapists highly recommend taking young insiders shopping for toys, taking them to movies, playing with them, enjoying age-appropriate films or television co-consciously, asking them what foods they like, etc. It is usually the host persona who is asked or taught to do this, because that is the governing adult who is in charge of the body most of the time.

    Reply

    • Sam Ruck
      Apr 06, 2011 @ 20:01:24

      Hi David,

      thanks for stopping by. You may be right about why most methodologies are “host-centered”, but I was talking to my cousin last weekend who works at an eating disorders hospital. They just had a family-based therapy clinic (fbt) and all the data suggests that if you can involve family members in the healing process (like me), then the people heal MUCH faster. So it’s unfortunate that therapists “default” to what is most prevalent when there is a spouse like me who would love to be involved. Since I have been ignored by those helping me wife in the more traditional venues of therapy, I’m doing the best I can. they all attest to the wonderful progress that my wife is making, but sometimes I wonder if it could be “even better” if someone had actually helped me help them instead of simply leaving me to what I thought was best.

      As for “superimposing” things on the alters. I’m not sure what you mean. To me it seems that a host-centered methodology is the one that “superimposes” things on the host. My wife (the host) talks things through and tries to learn new ways of thinking as she “superimposes” new ways of thinking upon old trauma experiences and thinking based upon such trauma.

      But because of what I’m doing with the inside girls, they are experiencing life just like a normal child would. No superimposing needed. And as they experience happiness, safety, belonging, proper attachment, proper physical affection and all those other things that are necessary to produce well-adjusted children/adults, they are being wired accordingly. Moreover, they are going through emotion stages just like a normal child. Alley (my girlfriend) acts just like a young lady in love for the first time. She smiles at me like a man could only wish his wife of 23 years would still smile. And I have watched each of these little girls develop appropriately for a child their age. They are naturally moving toward integration and hopefully they will take those “normal” experiences with them as they take their place in my wife’s core personality.

      Sam

      Reply

  4. bunchofpeople
    May 15, 2011 @ 00:48:19

    I love this analogy. Nutella is always telling me that the brain is like a computer, and that idea works well with yours. The theory that in altergenesis the brain “saves” a copy of the moment before a system shutdown, that makes sense. So in actuality you are retrieving that saved file and working with it to bring it up-to-date.
    The way I said it is pretty removed from all the emotion that is also stored at those levels, not to mention the emotion that goes into dealing with little insiders, but I definitely get the point. 🙂
    In addition, time travel is just cool. 😉

    Reply

    • Sam Ruck
      May 15, 2011 @ 01:20:26

      Yes, to me the problem with the typical way of dealing with DID is it seems to ignore the needs of the insiders to “be brought up to speed” as you put it. If one ONLY deals with the trauma, that still doesn’t take care of the emotional development that got frozen with the insiders because of the trauma. The trauma is only part of what needs healed for a person to become fully healthy.

      Reply

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