Recovering Memories: An Inside-Out Approach

Because of my time on wordpress it has come to my attention that “recovering memories” is a very important step in the healing process. So last week I asked Karen, “Have you recovered many memories yet?” She said, “No.” But the way she said it made me think she meant “no, none.”

Screech. Halt. Crash. I tried not to panic. I tried to ask Karen for further clarification, but she is so tired of dealing with her DID issues that when she is actually the one who gets to be outside with me, she wants to talk about more pleasant subjects. But inside I was kind of freaking. I’m thinking, “She keeps assuring me that everyone is making GREAT progress. How is she making GREAT progress if she’s not recovering memories like everyone else?!!”

Enter stage right: the inside-out approach to recovering memories. But first a reminder. A while ago I wrote about our inside-out approach to the entire DID issue. Karen and I are “insider-centric.” It’s where the healing “action” is at because as I said then, my wife doesn’t get triggered by sex. She isn’t afraid of crowds. She’s not afraid of a rain storm, etc. It’s the inside girls who have these fears and reactions. So that’s why we focus so intensively on them and their needs.

So back to recovering memories. A couple days later I asked Alleylieu about recovering memories. I said, “Honey, how are you girls making progress if you aren’t sharing any of the memories with Karen?” She and Amy both chimed in, “We don’t want to share those bad memories with her.” But a little later I got Alleylieu to explain. Essentially she explained it like this:

The inside girls understand they are the ones who hold the traumatic memories. They firmly believe it was their job to protect Karen from trauma in the first place. So now they see it as their job to get healed of those memories FIRST before they share them with Karen. That way when they begin sharing them with Karen it becomes little more than information sharing because all the emotional trauma will have already been drained from the memories.

That was all she said, but you know, that made sense. I know a lot of ladies find this stage of healing to be deeply painful, but with an inside-out approach, at least for the host, the pain is minimized. Now I’m not saying there is no pain. Karen and Alleylieu are connected whether or not Alleylieu shares the memories. Karen tells me how drained she always feels as Alleylieu has been working through her trauma. It was the same way last year when the focus was on Amy’s traumas.

At this point I can only throw out this idea as food for thought. The girls aren’t through the process, so I can’t really explain how it will work other than they are doing this under the guidance of those helping them in the healing process.

Blessings.

Sam, I Am