Rewarding Insiders during the Healing Process

As I have consistently stated, I see Karen’s insiders as typical, outside girls. So one thing that I do to encourage them in the healing process is to “reward” them for being brave when they seek healing for the hurts in their hearts. Amy used the theophostic method to deal with her hurts. Alleylieu is talking through things with a fellow insider friend. But to each of them I offered rewards when they faced the demons from their past.

In the beginning especially rewards were a great motivation to them. The girls had lived with the trauma in their hearts for so long, that the pain in their hearts was the status quo. Rewards were a great motivation to break the status quo and have something to look forward to after an emotionally draining session.

So the first year Amy and I haunted eBay looking for Barbie, Ken, Kelly and Tommy dolls and accessories. These were wonderful rewards for her. I never demanded an accounting from her about the theophostic session. I just asked “Were you brave today?” And the typical answer was “Yes, Daddy” and that was it. I tried to keep the rewards at an affordable level for my income, but I also understood that these little rewards were more than worth their weight in gold for the strong motivation they provided to each girl.

When the healing focus moved from Amy to Alleylieu, so did the rewards. This was hard at first for Amy. She was so used to getting a reward each week for being brave. At first she complained when she wasn’t given a chance to “be brave,” but eventually she understood that now it was time for Alleylieu to get the hurts out of her heart, too.

I have struggled a lot to find rewards Alleylieu would want. She has never allowed herself to form likes and desires, so finding an appropriate reward has been a guessing game. I did buy her all the seasons of StarGate: SG1 that Sam’s Club carries. That is her favorite show ever. And just today she suggested that I could give her money so she could save up for bigger prizes. She’s a little bit older emotionally than Amy is so I think this plan is a winner. I immediately ran to the bank and got a stack of one dollar bills so that I can reward her for talking through things with her friend.

So let me encourage you to institute a policy of rewards to help the insiders be brave and deal with the traumas that they have carried with them for a lifetime. If you are on a tight budget, consider setting up a chart with stickers that the girl(s) could work toward a special prize. Be sure to tailor the rewards to each girl and make them satisfying enough that they provide a strong motivation. If you try to do this on the cheap, don’t waste your time. Remember these are “exceptional” children who have at least some access to your wife’s knowledge. But at the same time my girls also have knowledge of our family finances and budget. They don’t try to milk the rewards. They know that I will buy them more rewards than we feel we can afford, so they are conscientious about earning them.


Sam, I Am


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Journal of Healing
    Oct 22, 2010 @ 23:07:00



    • Sam Ruck
      Oct 23, 2010 @ 07:12:09

      I hopped over to your blog and read some. I didn’t see how to leave a comment. But I hurt so deeply for you. I hope you can find a safe person for you and the insiders.



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