Making Dreams Come True for Your Girls

When Amy first started coming outside, she would insist that her inside world was just as real as the outside one. Additionally, she would often talk of the delightful world that she had inside. She told me about the fabulous room her insider mother created for her and redecorated from time to time. This is the nature of DID. To a child who is traumatized the outside world is so horrific that she creates an inner, safe world in which she retreats during such events. Over time this world becomes more desirable than the outside world that is unsafe, unpredictable and uncontrollable.

So another task that I had to accomplish with my girls was to re-orient the insider’s attachment to her inside world with an appropriate attachment to the outside world. As I flooded each girl’s life with love, joy, and fulfillment, slowly her death grip on her inside world was lessened. Slowly she began to find fulfillment of the legitimate needs she had in the outside world with me and my son. Slowly the allure of the outside world began to captivate her attention and affection.

Now this wasn’t something I staged or tried to manipulate in my girls. It was just the natural process of me satisfying their needs on a daily basis. As I’ve said before this is something that NO therapist or support group can really do. This is a job for those in daily contact with the person. This is part of a normal, loving relationship.

So each time I took the girls to the zoo, to a petting farm, to the pool, out to the movies, played games with them, made special meals and treats for them, bought them toys that they could call their own, included them in Christmas and other holidays, kissed and petted them affectionately (and appropriately), supported their desires to make money, took them on family vacations and all of the other myriad things that I have done with them, slowly each heart was turned from its inside world to the outside world where she was loved and cared for and protected by me and my son.

Another way that I turned their hearts toward the outside world is by fulfilling their dreams. Karen has long spoken of a few dreams of hers. In reflection I should have understood that these were deep-seated dreams of all the girls. I have spoken before of the craftroom I created for Karen, Amy and Alleylieu this spring. This has long been a spoken desire of Karen. She loves to create things of beauty through her various craft projects. And my other two girls voice the same love as well.

I was able to fulfill another long-standing dream when I recently redid our master bedroom: the dream of a canopy bed. Because our upstairs rooms are built into the roof of the house, all our walls are sloped, making a traditional canopy bed nearly impossible. So I have hesitated to satisfy this dream. But as I’ve come to understand the healing power for all my girls in making these dreams come true, I decided to figure out a way to make it happen. So together with my girls we designed and executed an acceptable alternative and just last week my girls slept under their long-awaited canopy bed for the first time. Amy danced for joy as I called her “my little princess in her canopy bed.”

So if your wife has shared her personal dreams with you that you have never gotten around to fulfilling, like it took me 22 years to fulfill these two, don’t underestimate the power that these dreams can have in the healing process. When I completed the craftroom, my girls took a quantum leap ahead for them in the healing process. Now Karen, Amy and Alleylieu ALWAYS work on scrapbooking in their room together as true gal pals.

Dreams are magical. Dreams are powerful. Dreams are the things that have changed our world for the better as people have turned their dreams into reality. And dreams for a DID spouse are no different. Become an avid listener to your spouse and her insiders. Then make a point of satisfying the dreams you hear whispered from their lips. Make your girls’ dreams come alive in the outside world, and they will not need to turn to the inside world to nurture them.


Sam, I Am.


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