The Delightful Side of DID

As the spouse of a woman with DID I am in an incredibly difficult situation. However, as the main agent of healing in my girls lives, this journey has regularly been one of the most delightful and incredible experiences of my life.

Because I am so intimately involved with all the insiders of Karen’s network, I am like a proud parent who gets to see his girls experience things for the first time and grow and display delightful childhood innocence. Now I know raising one’s wife wasn’t what any man had in mind when he said his wedding vows, but that is essentially one of my major functions for the insiders. Although some of them have access to Karen’s intelligence, all of them are emotionally and socially various childhood ages though some of them pretended to be older than they were when they first joined my family.

When Amy and Alleylieu first came out, it was like plucking someone out of the stone age and putting them in modern America. I can remember when Alleylieu had ice cream for the first time or recently strawberry shortcake. Her eyes lit up as she tasted the wonderful treat. And so many experiences are like that to the girls. I have the privilege of introducing them to the delights of the outside world.

Last year I took everyone to Orlando for our first family vacation with both Amy and Alleylieu joining us. We did the Discovery Cove package that included Sea World, Aquatica, and Busch Gardens. The magic of those places truly wowed my girls. When we got ready to see the acrobatic show at Sea World, I told Alleylieu, “Be prepared to be wowed.” She replied, “I’m not the kind of girl that gets wowed.” After the show she admitted that she was wrong! My girls were as delightful to watch as any child who attends those parks for the first time. Another time at Sea World Amy was so mesmerized by the place that she held her hands stretched out and slowly twirled around in the midst of the crowds of people in sheer delight.

Having these girls in my life is like having a second set of children (or maybe it will be like how grandchildren will be). Since my son is 19 now, we haven’t done a lot of the area events for little children for a number of years. Now our family gets to do them all over again, and honestly I’m enjoying it as much as the girls do. Yes, my son will cut out on us sometimes as he desires more young-adult activities occasionally. Then I’m left with just the girls to revisit the magic of childhood: the magic that they didn’t get to have the first time because of the trauma.

Another delight in this DID journey is watching my girls grow. Again it’s just like having normal kids. When Amy first came out, she could barely tell time. She used to tell me that she knew it was time for me to call her at my break time when the clock read 5,3,0 (5:30p.m.). But she rapidly advanced until she was taking IQ tests (of her own volition) and scoring in the genius level. She then delightedly crowed, “Daddy, I’m a genius!”

But as I’ve mentioned elsewhere, I also get the joy of seeing them shed their fears and lack of self-esteem. When all the girls first came out, they were as scared as a timid, little mouse. The slightest things would frighten them. Now they are boisterous in their joy and happiness. The Amy fills my house with singing all the time, and Alleylieu has begun singing, too. And Sophia is full of playful mischief during her weekly bath and story time.

These girls are delightful! There’s just no other way to say it. The caricature that Hollywood and so much of the available literature has left us does such a great injustice to the joy that a caregiver can be part of when he/she is deeply involved in the healing process. The overwhelming majority of my interaction with these girls is filled with the joy they bring into my house!

There are so many times when the girls will say delightfully innocent things, the kind of things that every child says. And I will begin laughing from the sheer joy of their innocence. But just like my son did when he was their age, they’ll squawk, “Why are you laughing at me? Don’t do it!” And then I try in vain to explain that I’m not laughing at them but simply enjoying them. Below is a delightful dialogue from my journal that I had recently with Amy. Maybe you’ll enjoy it, too:

Then I watched In Plain Sight with the girls before we got ready for bed. In it the main female character told a wimpy father to “grow a pair.” Amy said, “What’s that mean?” I started laughing, and told her, “It means for him to grow some balls and start acting like a man.” So then she wanted to know what balls were. I told her, “testicles.” She wanted to know first where they were and then why they were called “balls.” I told her “because they look like balls.” Then she wanted to know, “Are they big like a baseball or small like a super ball?” I could barely keep from laughing hilariously out loud as I said, “Honey, where do you think I would keep two baseballs in my pants? They are small like a super ball.” Oh the joys of raising my girls.

So in the midst of the journey, when the girls are struggling to release the pain and heartache, and when you as a spouse are probably feeling terribly neglected, I wish for you the ability to enjoy the delightful side of the DID journey. The more deeply involved you become in the healing process, the more you will get to share in its delights and rewards just like any parent. It’s a treasure there for the taking if you are willing to make the effort.

Blessings.

Sam, I Am

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. jeffssong
    Apr 15, 2011 @ 20:25:11

    Loved it, dude. We had an insider ‘come out’ a few weeks ago (you’d think I’d found them all, but no, Jeff helped) – and yeah. Sure it was just ‘us’ – but laugh! This guy loves ‘battle’ – but is – well, not ‘dumb’ as an ox, just ignorant. First time we’ve ever enjoyed “battling the grass’ and ‘weeds.” Quite sure the grim faced neighbors were sure we’d lost it and time to get the guys with the monkey suit (you know: the one with the really long arms) – as we roared around on the ol’ riding mower back and forth, laughing and growling at the ‘vicious weeds’ – until that personality got ‘tired’ and felt bad about ‘killing little things’ – so Sarge took over and finished mowing and weed eating ‘the parade field – and on a Sunday to boot!”. LOL, growlly ol’ guy with a heart of gold like a kitten wrapped in steel, LOL! Anyway – like this!

    Reply

  2. not ready to disclose
    Jun 27, 2013 @ 23:06:47

    Oh how I wish I was not viewed as the enmeny. I so want to be a part of the healing process, but I dont know how. Does anyone have any ideas?

    Reply

    • Sam Ruck
      Jun 27, 2013 @ 23:19:13

      Do you want to explain a little more? I will try to help if I can. You can email me at samruck2 at gmail dot com if that would be better for you.

      Sam

      Reply

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