A Three-pronged Approach to Healing

As Karen tries to get healed we are really using a three-pronged approach. My 19-year old son and I in my opinion carry the heaviest duty. The first year the insiders started coming out, the two of us were literally with them 24/7. During the day I was their constant companion and during the night while I was at work my son would take care of the girls. Neither of us had a wife or mother. The girls were so needy and afraid at this stage of healing that like a physically incapacitated person, everything revolved around them. Even today I spend 90% of my time with Amy and Alleylieu helping them make the transition to being outside girls like Karen.

In my mind a husband and family can apply the healing balm of sacrificial love to a person suffering DID like no one else in the world can. I read a book by Larry Crab (Safest Place on Earth) and he said many Christian therapists are finally understanding the limited value of psychoanalyzing a person and then prescribing a course of treatment when compared to simply bathing a broken person in healing, embracing love. Now I don’t want to start a war here with such a broad generalization and denigrate all the good work many professional therapists are doing, but I just mention that to help family members understand how deeply healing plain, old-fashioned love can be. Don’t ever underestimate the value of just loving your DID loved one.

Love listens. Everyday I listen for my girls to mention their needs and desires (often just in passing) and then I set about meeting those needs. This is one disorder that the healing process can be “patient directed.” Listen to them. They know what they need to heal. Love serves. Each day I literally dance attendance on my girls. When the abuse was happening they were alone, misused and soiled. Now I am giving them a chance to convalesce emotionally knowing that I am happy to wait upon them. They are astounded that I want to care for them, and it heals the wounds when no one from the past cared what they thought or needed. Love protects. I make sure that they know their safety is paramount. I always take their fears seriously and address those fears in a way that alleviates them.

The second prong of Karen’s healing approach is her survivors’ website. I don’t know what goes on there much. But it’s a website where abuse survivors who get through the healing process are then expected to turn around and help the next group of ladies wanting to get healed. There are professional therapists and regular people on it. My girls spend hours on it each night working through their past and also trying to help other ladies do the same.

The last prong of our approach is the girl’s theophostic facilitator. Karen says ladies on her forum use the entire range of healing approaches, secular and religious. But in her opinion the ladies with DID who are improving the mostly significantly use the theophostic method. Now if your spouse has a method that works, definitely stick with it. If he/she is unhappy with what she’s doing, at least check out theophostics. And though theophostics is seen as a religious approach, having participated in it myself, I think it really is just a psychological method of reaching into the wounding events of a person’s past and injecting a new, healing perspective into them. But it DOES work.

And those are the three prongs of our approach. Each prong does things the others cannot do. Each prong makes for a MUCH more holistic approach to healing. Also when one prong “breaks” or temporarily falters as has happened to us and others I have read on wordpress, you still have the other prongs so that the entire healing process doesn’t breakdown or worse cause additional trauma. Whatever you do, try to help your spouse not put all her healing “eggs” in one basket.

Blessings.

Sam, I Am.

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