Honey, I may have dissociative identity disorder

Eureka! My wife tells me that of all the husbands of the ladies on her survivors’ website, I had one of the most positive reactions to the news. To me that announcement was a “eureka moment.” It made sense of all my years of frustration and disappointment in a marriage where we loved each other and yet there was ALWAYS an underlying current of stress and tension.

When she told me that she had DID it was like finally getting a medical diagnosis of a health issue that had plagued us for 20 years and yet I was the only one willing to say, “Honey, you need help. Something is wrong.” Now we had a diagnosis and hopefully there would be a cure, too. Now my wife knew what was wrong, too.

Five years previous to her DID diagnosis, Karen finally understood that she needed to get help as she acknowledged that I had legitimate needs that she ought to meet. That was 15 years into our marriage, and things finally started to get better. For the first time, she cared that I wanted to be physically intimate more than once or twice a month. I finally got her to agree to be intimate with me two or three times a week! It wasn’t great sex. But we weren’t nearly celibate anymore either.

…And then the signs of DID began manifesting more fully two years ago, and my hard-won concessions began slipping away before my eyes. And what my wife doesn’t know is that I literally spent two or three months crying for half an hour or more each day. At work I would slip away and cry and then cry more as I walked home at the end of second shift. This was gut wrenching, lose-your breath, snot running out of your nose, fall on the ground crying. Things were getting worse again. My dreams of a happy marriage were slipping from my grasp once again.

But in the end, when Karen told me she might have DID, it gave us a chance to really get healed and have a happy marriage. Yes, we had a lot of healing work ahead of us. But we finally had a game plan. Always before I had desperately tried to heal my wife’s broken heart and indifference to me, but without effect. Now we knew what was wrong, and we were finally given the chance to get to the root issues.

Eureka. I have found it. Now the work really began.


Sam, I Am


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Mental Disorders 101
  2. not ready to disclose
    Jun 25, 2013 @ 23:21:35

    Sam I felt relief when the therapist convinced me that my husband is DID. I had drug us to 15 mental health providers since 1995. I had convinced myself that I was the sick one. I was getting help for my mental illness when the current therapist met my husband. I am not sure what happened because he is still not talking to me most of the time. My husband is my best friend. He has been there for me in so many ways over the past 27 years. The thought of a judge granting us a divorce pains me. He is adament that he want/needs a divorce. My fear is that once we are divorced my husband no longer has health insurance.

    I love him. . . .I want to support him. . . .I am torn about this whole ordeal.


    • Sam Ruck
      Jun 25, 2013 @ 23:41:31

      If he has d.i.d. then you need to try to talk to the insider who is driving this desire to get divorced. Do you get conflicting statements from the various people? Do you have access to any of the other ones? You need to try to reach out to the one desperate for the divorce and try to see things from his perspective. Again, don’t assume that one acknowledges your past relationship with your husband.


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