Poetry

This poem I wrote to Karen when the insiders first started entering our lives…

You’re Loved

We’re in a valley dark and deep
With jagged cliffs that are so steep.
With every step our feet are cut.
With every breath our hearts cry out.

We travel on. It never ends.
Our hope is crushed at every bend.
The pain, the tears that never leave.
Oh, God of All now hear our pleas!

But turn your head, my lovely bride,
For I am still here by your side.
Look down and see we’re hand in hand
Or you’re on my shoulders when I can.

I love you, and I’ll see you thru.
There’s light ahead, I know it’s true.
And when this trial is finally o’er
We’ll walk together to conquer more.

You’re in my heart. You’re in my soul.
In every cell my love does pour.
So don’t believe the lies of old;
You’re loved and worth your weight in gold!

Sam
7/14/09

The next 3 poems I wrote to my girls for Christmas last year. Each poem is based upon a beautiful card I got them by Josephine Wall (see her website for all available). 12/25/09

To Amy:

Ear-Winged Fairies

Ear-winged fairies what a joyful day
When they enter your life and begin to play
They fill your house with giggles and mirth
They fill your spirit with hope of rebirth
And the more you laugh the stronger they grow
As they flit all about in a fantastical show
So praise the Lord if you happen to find
A delightful fairy as special as mine.

To Alleylieu:

Alleylieu, The Unicorn

Alleylieu, the unicorn a pure and gentle soul
Silently and quietly she seeks to make things whole
E’r’where she treads the flowers burst from her healing touch
She cares for those within her charge and never mutters much
She faces foes and fiends unseen though her stature’s small
And magic finds to rout them ‘til she stands above them tall
Her beauty is her spirit, strong. Her strength a help for all
Her kindness and her graciousness, a balm that is her call
Oh, Alleylieu, my unicorn, your beauty is renowned
Your victory o’er all the past will be your shining crown!

I love you, Alleylieu and believe in you. I am so glad you are my friend and are part of my family and that you will share Christmas with me this year.

To Karen:

Crystal of Enchantment

Deep within your spirit where you’ve hidden all the pain
May a tiny spark take hold today: a soft and healing flame
With gentle gusts of love and care it takes a stronger hold
Each day the light grows bolder ‘til it starts a holy roar
At last the dark and shrouded past bows to its glowing might
Unleashed, it now consumes all else with pure and radiant light
And erupts out of your spirit and fills your very pores
Content, it’s not, to stop there as it overflows your shores
And touches those around you and draws more to the sight
Who gain hope that there is an end to their tormented night.

Happy Birthday, Karen, May God pour forth His light into your spirit, chasing all the shadows away until you begin to glow from within and it spills out in an uncontrollable flood to touch all those around you.

The next poem is the companion to the first poem in this section, “You’re Loved.” Two years later all the girls have come so far.

Light Ahead

We’ve walked this valley hand in hand
And found some girls to join our band.
Naked, crying and full of fear
We welcomed them in and dried their tears.

Their broken hearts we sought to heal,
And let them know things now were well.
Unexpected joy in this valley deep
Those hidden girls that we will keep.

And now we’ve turned the bend and see
Though still a ways, we’ll all be free.
The pain and fear and brokenness
Is melting off in wholesomeness.

So take my hand. Our time is near
To stretch our wings and shed our fears,
To love, to live, to dream, to dare.
Believe me, Love, we will get there!

And together we’ll make it.
Together we’ll stand,
Arm in arm and hand in hand,
Lovers and loving as God has planned.

You’re still my girl, the wife of my youth.
It will be worth this healing truth.
For though ‘twas hard to face the past,
My love for you will surely last.

Sam

This was the poem I gave to Alleylieu with the girlfriend ring I bought her to try to help allay her fears from our stormy and intimate past that I didn’t know we had until she came outside.

My Pledge

To my special girlfriend I give this pledge
Of safety and gentleness and kindness instead
Of things from the past where fear and hurt roamed
And terrified the insiders inside of their home.

I’ll not push for things that would scare little girls.
I know they are there now and they are my world.
I’m sorry I did not understand in the past,
But now that I do, your all’s safety will last.

I’ve changed these last 2 years. I think you’ll agree,
Or I doubt that you would be a girlfriend for me.
I won’t go back to how I was before I met you,
Amy, Sally, Shelly and Sophia, too.

And, yes, Karen, is my girl, I will treat her right,
I vow to protect her not give you a fight.
She will be safe in my arms or should we spend time,
I’ll do nothing to hurt or scare her or any inside.

My girlfriend, this is my pledge, I hope you will see,
The difference that 2 years has made in me.
If you accept this ring and wear it with pride,
I hope that you will lay your fears from the past aside.

And rejoice that there is a man who gets it and is glad
To have you for a girlfriend and isn’t sad
To be safe all the time for Karen and the rest
Please give me a chance again, I’ll not fail this test.

But should I falter or do something unknowingly
Please don’t scurry away.
But tell me and give me a chance to change it that day.
For no one is perfect, but I’ll listen to you
Until I get it right, I promise this, too!

Oh, girlfriend, if you wear my ring, it is my pledge
That each time you see it you know instead
That you and the girls will be loved and cherished by me.
And I will be gentle and you will be free…

To enjoy your life as a young lady should.
And not always worry that things aren’t as they should
Be with the man that you’ve all dreamed of inside
Nor for Karen my beautiful bride.

It’s going to be different now. I’m not going back.
So wear this lovely ring. And try to relax.
Knowing that everyone is safe when I am around.
I never again want to be a terrible sound…

To little girls or big ones, insiders or out.
When you hear my voice, may all the girls shout
Knowing the man who loves them is home and all’s well
This is what I’ll be as your boyfriend, do tell.

10/20/2010

Last Christmas two more girls decided to join me on the outside and become part of “My Girls.” So I bought two more Josephine Wall cards like the other girls, and I wrote these poems to celebrate their entrance into my life. Iris is to Shelly and the Guardian Angel is to KA the inside mother.

Iris

Lovely Iris I can see A gorgeous rainbow around thee.
Where you go the colors spark. Your cardstock papers show your heart
That’s full of fiery color hues of yellows, oranges, violets, blues.
And though you’re soft and quiet, still, a tigress lurks that I can feel
Who pokes and bites and pulls my hair, and makes me smile when she is there!
A happy day when you came out! I will exclaim it with a shout:
“I love you, Shelly, Rainbow Girl, Shim’ring Iris wings unfurled.”
Love
Daddy
Guardian Angel

Guardian Angel, Maker of Beauty
Wonders flow from your fingers.
Beauty from ashes, comfort from sorrows
The joy from you ever lingers.
From Michelangelo to Monet their mantel you do carry.
Help me, Dear KA, see what you see, from butterflies to fairies.

Dearest KA,
You are a guardian angel. You were given ashes from the outside and turned them into marvelous things of beauty for the other girls. I only get to hear of the wonderful rooms you created for them, but I hope you find a way to bring the beauty that was locked up inside for the other girls and share it with me and others outside. I’m so glad you want to be with me and be a part of my world. I hope you find ways that I can be a part of your world.
Love, Sam

I’ve been wooing Tina, girl #7 for nearly a year. She has never spoken a word to me or the other girls which makes reaching out to her difficult. So lately I’ve been writing her songs and poems and she seems to be responding to them.

Tina I Love You (2/10/12)

Oh I see you in the shadows

Scared to come outside

And I don’t know what has happened

That makes you run and hide

Chorus:

But Tina I love you I just want to hold your hand

And when you get all scared inside I just want to be your friend,

Oh I don’t know why you’re silent

Never saying a thing

But I wish the things I say and do

Would let you hear what I sing

Chorus

Bridge

I’m sorry I don’t know what else to do

But I can’t keep living without you…

Oh I just wish you’d let me hold you

And brush your tears away

Do you know you’re safe and wanted now?

Please hear the words I say

Chorus

The Quest

There once was a man who went on a quest

Thru valleys, o’er mountains, he gave it his best

O’er yonder, down under, no stone left unturned

Though tired and hungry and others who spurned

Detractors accused him of evil and lies

Experts belittled and his efforts despised

And the God of Heaven who sent us His Son

Quietly looked on as this man went on.

He would not give up. He would not turn back.

In spite of the heartache that sometimes attacked.

The path was unknown, but the destination was clear

To rescue a princess held captive by fear.

This dear little one, he’d searched for so long

Hidden in shadows with never a song

A glimpse of her here. A faint whisper there.

With setbacks and trials his regular fare.

But the sweet little maiden was worth any cost.

So the seeker continued no matter the loss.

And one day he’ll find her and give her a home

With others who love, who will call her their own.

We’ll open our hearts and welcome you in.

We’ll open our arms and comfort your pain.

We’ll wipe every tear you’ve silently cried,

And give you the love they tried to deny.

Oh Tina, you’re lovely. Please listen to me,

and know that I’m coming to set you free.

For all little girls should laugh, play and run

With family who loves you and protects you from harm.

I love you, Dear One,

Your friend, Sam

2/17/12

  

Tina, I’m Impressed

“Well done, my friend, Tina,” let me now say.

Your job you have kept thru night and thru day.

Though silent and lonely you did not grow tired

To keep the others safe was your utmost desire.

They said things that hurt: “She’s bad. She’s not smart.”

Still you kept at your job, though their words broke your heart.

And now as you join us, their insults still come

“She hurts us and steals our time all away…”

But Tina I see you for what you really are.

You’re a precious little girl. You’re a bright, shining star.

You’re smart and you’re loyal. You’re never a trial.

You’re a strong little princess with a lovely smile.

Tina, I’m impressed with you, and I hope some day soon.

You’ll believe it’s ok to come out of your cocoon.

Your job is accomplished: everyone’s safe!!

So I hope you will join us because I’ve made a place…

In my heart and in my life that only you can fill.

A place that has love and joy and lots of goodwill.

And this place that I have for you wishes no harm,

But wants only to see you smile and have fun.

For little girls weren’t made only to work.

They were given voices to laugh and sing.

They were given legs to run and dance.

They were given mouths to smile and speak.

So if this is something that sounds pleasing to you.

Take my hand, little friend, and I’ll walk you thru

This life together as I keep everyone safe

And give you a chance to just be a lass.

I love you, my friend,

Sam

3/2/12

 

Come Play with Me

 

Come play with me! Come dance and twirl!

Don’t be alone! Please be my girl!

 

Springtime comes and gives new birth.

The flowers bloom and dress the earth.

 

Oh, Tina, please! Won’t you hear my call?

It’s safe to come out! I won’t let you fall!

 

The other girls now laugh and play.

That’s all I want for you today!

 

To see you smile. To see you dance.

To hear you laugh and give love a chance.

 

Come hear the birds. Come smell the breeze.

Take hold of life. Let me help you please!

 

The danger’s gone! I’ll keep you safe!

If you join us now, we have you a place!

 

For you’re a lovely girl, and I want you to know

That you have a family who loves you so!

 

Sam

This poem I wrote as the girls are getting ready to embark on their first ever women’s retreat. It’s a scrapbooking event. Amy, though, has been close to freaking out at the thought of not being with me. She is EXTREMELY clingy. So I wrote this in the hopes of allaying her and the other girls’ fears.

You’re Never Alone

Tomorrow you start an adventure you know;

Yet fear is hounding your resolve to go.

But, Honey, you’ve forgotten an important part.

You’re never alone because you’ve stolen my heart.

 

So whether you’re with me or out with the girls

You’re still in my presence for I have the will

To follow you hither and go with you yon.

Our bodies may part but our spirits are one.

 

So as you are scrapping the weekend away

With ladies of like mind, keep your cares at bay

For though you may fear our bodies to part,

Nothing can separate our intertwined hearts.

 

So, go and have fun! Laugh! Have a ball!!!

When you return, I’ll be waiting for one and for all.

And happy we’ll be as we hug and we kiss.

Enjoying each other’s presence, wrapped in love’s bliss.

 

Sam, Boyfriend, Daddy

3/8/12

This is another poem I wrote to Tina. She has been coming out more regularly, and yet she is still silent and largely incommunicative with the other girls, but she has begun directing me, silently pointing for me to do this or that. It’s a little humorous, and yet I’m very glad that she feels safe enough to “command” me to meet her needs. Hopefully, it’s the first step into establishing a mutual relationship with her.  

My Little Empress

 

My little Empress, I’m so glad

To see you smile and not so sad

To watch you play your “difference” games

And cheer your wins and problems tame.

 

And when you point for me to do

This or that I’m glad that you

Know I will fulfill that need

My little Empress, my hope, to please.

 

And though you’re scared of my touch

I hope you know I love you much!

I hope my love will touch your heart

And heal your hurts and hidden parts.

 

For all my life I’ve searched for you.

A precious jewel, oh, yes, it’s true.

My little Empress, I’m glad each day

I see your face and hope you’ll stay.

 

Your humble servant, Sam

3/21/12

 

 As I continue to woo Tina outside and into my life, poems seem to be one of the best ways to connect with her.

The Happiest Days

 

The happiest days of my life are when

Another girl joins me outside.

For my heart will always have holes in it,

As long as little girls hide.

 

So Tina I hope you never forget

That you are a source of my joy!

And every time I get to see your face,

My spirits are instantly buoyed!

 

Yes, the happiest days of my life are when

Each girl has taken a chance

And joined her hand into my own, safe one,

That together we can join in life’s dance.

 

So Tina a partner for me would you be?

I’m ready to kick off our blues,

As we listen inside to the music we hear

And don on our dancing shoes!

 

Yes, the happiest days of my life, it is true!

When my girl is no longer scared,

But knows she is safe in my gentle embrace

As together we dance away cares!

 

Your friend,

 

Sam

4/5/12

Tina and I now communicate via the sign language alphabet and one of her constant pleas is “s.t.a.y.” She wants to stay with me now that she is no longer trapped in the silent, scary inside world that was her prison for the last 40 years. She NEVER wants to go back inside to allow the others out. So we are all working hard to connect her to the others so that hopefully soon the dissociation will be broken when her silence and solitude are a thing of the past.

S.T.A.Y.

“Stay,” you plead, and “stay” I’ll do

For you need me, and I need you.

Oh, Tina, can’t you see it’s true

That I’ve been waiting just for you?

No longer must you stay inside

Alone and scared as life goes by.

For I have heard your urgent cry

And long to have you by my side!

So “stay” you plead, and “stay” I will!

For I have never lost a girl.

And I will wait until you’re thrilled

To join my clan and be my girl!

Then I will keep you safe and warm.

When once you know that in my arms

You’re never trapped, I’ll never harm you

Like in the past when life alarmed you.

Yes, I will stay and you’ll not go.

For I love you, I hope you know.

And silent, scary times are past.

My love will keep you safe at last!

I love you!

Sam

5/16/12

 For awhile Tina would check my eyes every night before we went to sleep. She would sign to me that my “green” eyes were good.

The Man with the Green Eyes

You say you’re scared when you go inside,

How you feel alone when you’re not by my side.

But you’re scared to let me hold you and keep you with me.

Sometimes you’ll stay, but sometimes you flee.

I don’t know what happened before you joined me.

But I’m glad that you’re out now and want to be free.

But when you check my eyes each and every night,

Don’t only make sure that the color is right.

Please look in my eyes and see if I’m safe.

See if there’s love for you in my gentle embrace.

Are they happy to bring you your breakfast each day?

Do I give to you joy or do I take it away?

Look in my eyes, Dear One, what do you see?

Am I a man who will trap you or will I set you free?

I’ve sought you my whole life to live with me,

Will you take my hand? Will you really believe…

That the man with the green eyes is worthy of trust.

His touch and caresses bring joy not distrust.

Look into my eyes, Tina. What do you see?

Do you just see a color or will you see me?

So each day I wait for you as you decide.

Will you reach out to me or continue to hide?

How I long to hold you and keep you safe,

And know that there’s safety in my loving embrace.

But the man with the greens eyes won’t force you to choose.

He waits though he’s lonely for your company, too.

And he hopes that some day when you really look deep,

You’ll find the love and safety that you desperately need.

Sam

5/24/12

The rest are just poems I have written to my wife throughout our marriage. Poems I wrote trying to reach into her broken heart and let her know she was loved.

Fairy Lore

“Once upon a time,” the fairy tales do say.
There lived a lovely maiden in a land so far away.
She had a golden spirit. She graced her visitors.
And, of course, she was a beauty
To all who looked at her.

But then a wicked person, in every tale you read,
Comes and makes some mayhem
And does some evil deeds
Upon this one so gentle and kind to everyone.
She winds up in his clutches
To take her for his own.

But soon there is a savior, a gallant, princely man
Who comes upon the story’s scene
And knows to take command.
And so upon his stallion, he races to her aid.
Though dangerous will be the task,
He will not be dismayed.

He finds the strength within him, given from above
To steel his nerves for combat
For this his one, true love.
At last he finds the lady. The villain, he finds, too,
And slays him in the battle
As only he could do.

The hero then approaches, the lady of his dreams
And gently sets her free from chains
To treat her like a queen.
He lifts her on his war horse. Then settles in behind her
To ride off in the sunset.
No story could be finer.

Now you, my lovely Jewel, are worth the fighting for.
A princess as delightful, as in the fairy lore.
So put your hand in my hand and run with me this life.
I’ll be you dashing, gallant knight.
You’ll be my princess wife.

Country Love

I love to hear the raindrops falling softly on the ground,
Waking up the sleeping pretties with their gentle sound.
I love to greet the flowers and to hail the emerald grass.
The sights and smells of springtime, yes, have come again at last.

But, Karen, my love for these pales to that for thee.
You’re the springtime, summer, harvest, more than all the year to me.
You’re the gentle doe that roams the woods, the busy little bee,
The fragrance of the forest flowers, the robin in the tree.

I love to take my shoes off and go squishing in the mud
Or lie down in a bed of flowers and listen to the woods.
I love to go a climbin’ just to see what I can see,
A country boy with country loves are hidden deep in me.

But, Karen, you’re deeper still in every nook and crack.
You’re a simple smell, a special day; you’re off the beaten track.
You’re a new idea, an antique book, a lovely smile and form,
I love you, Girl, so please don’t doubt it even if I storm.

I love you like a thunderstorm, I love you like a stream,
I love you. Yes, I love you, Girl, much more than you can dream.

Once in a Lifetime

Once in a lifetime, you meet that special one,
Who gives you a reason to keep going on.
A look from your eyes, a smile from your lips,
Can still send me on an emotional trip.

And though the times have been both good and bad,
On the days that I’m sane, I am never so sad,
As to be sorry I married this lovely young bride,
Because you’re still the one that I want by my side.

You’re my Jewel of a lady. You’re a special delight.
You’re worth any trouble. You’re worth any fight.
You’re my comparable helpmeet. This Adam’s Eve.
Intelligent, thoughtful, wanting to please.

So once in my lifetime God gave me a chance
To take up a girl in a lifelong dance.
And we whirl, and we swing to the song God has given
To be played through our lives as we travel to heaven.

The next couple of poems I wrote while I was renovating some rooms in our house. They’re just silly, but I happily allowed Karen to have the final say in every point of the renovations.

Cab’nets

The cavern, the hole, and the trench

Aesthetic-ly had a bad stench.

The plaster was falling.

The paint, so appalling.

A terrible plate and cup bench.

Then elfa, and luan, and paint,

A trio of fix-it-up saints

Did roll up their sleeves

My lady to please

I knew all alone that I can’t…

…Do what I needed to do,

To show what we have is still true.

So look at your cab’nets.

They’ll tell you that I meant

To say everyday,  “I. L.O.V.E. Y.O.U.!!”

Y.D.H.

5/6/04

“Ode to Our Kitchen”

O little kitchen white and blue,

You served us well.  Yes, that is true.

I know you did your very best.

Yet, joyfully you’re laid to rest.

With nasty cab’nets dark and dim,

They would not let the sunlight in.

And in the winter, oh, so cold

The chilly breeze behind their doors.

The cavern was a sorry sight.

To find our food was such a fight.

We put things in behind its door,

And there they stayed, forever more!

And up above “the hole” looked down

To spew its plaster all around.

But weary grip I knew it had

The ceiling gap was getting bad.

The trenches were another mess

That put our patience to the test.

The face was scarred;  the innards, dark.

Our gadgets we could barely park.

O little kitchen, white and blue,

Your icky floor was peeled up, too!

The misery it brought my wife

Did seal the verdict on its life.

And all around the bead board bled

The sorry blue we’d come to dread.

The drips were large.  They filled its lines.

A nasty sight while we would dine.

We won’t forget your heater, too,

That gathered dust and kept our food

When it did fall off of our plates

And hid beneath its ugly gates.

Then last of all you had the gall

To hide a pantry in your walls!

You never even said a word

Until your death knell could be heard.

So little kitchen, blue and white,

You’re gone at last, and what a fight!

This little ode I give you last.

Relieved you’re fin’ly “of the past.”

5/13/04

The Cavern

There once was a cavern, dark and dreary.

To explore its wares made everyone weary.

So the master and mistress did what they could

To keep it from eating everything good.

Could anything help?  Could anyone save?

Could magic or angels rescue the day?

So cold and forlorn and left to itself

It gobbled up food items put on its shelves.

‘Til one day a hero opened its door

To gaze at the mess in the cavernous store.

“Never mind you, my Jewel.  Never fear.  Never worry.

I’ll tackle this dump.  ‘Twill be done in a hurry.”

So into its gaping, hideous smile

Our hero did reach, and it seemed but awhile

‘Til all had been saved from that cavern so icky.

And all that was left was a floor that was sticky.

Undaunted in purpose and spurred on by love,

This masked cleaning freak continued to move

‘Til the shell was all clean and the holes, too, were filled.

The floor was extended, and paint could be smelled.

At last came the day the damsel had hoped for.

Order now reigned ‘hind the once creepy door.

And Beautiful knew that “I love you” was true

From the things that he said and was willing to do.